karanjotwani

InsanEiyat

Sperm. Thanks Dad. In a Pyjama relationship with my vibe. Anti-Social element by choice. Social element with em’ apt lights, music & tribe. Be humble.

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Hey you! Just a very warm and heart-felt greeting to everyone out there, going hard at life, winning the grind, managing tasks, focusing on an aim, fighting sorrows, putting up a face, finding their pursuit of happiness. If you are winning: You are phenomenal. If you are not being able to: you are still winning because you are trying. The beauty of grace gets highlighted within our souls when we put that effort to raft with our daily chores, dichotomised by varied emotions. You’re amazing 🌹 📸 : @araalexanderofficial #Tb
My parents still question me everyday when I go back home about my existence in this industry and from being this advertising guy and suddenly this? It’s a very uncomplicated answer. Go out there, all by yourself, with your heart, confidence, sensitivity and patience being your chief allies and see how merit joins in, and then there’s no stopping you. Work so hard, let hard-work be ashamed of your effort, striking alongside a balance of play, the roads, and nature. I got my first ever award as the Best actor amongst the new generation on Zee tv. #NayaSadasya ! I had promised my mother and father, my director @shashank429 , my creative head & mentor @djspersis , a week into a show that I will give it my heart and win one for them. This is for you all. Broken parts of the heart, entered dark dungeons, dug out humour, from losing more weight, behaving and feeling like a 24 year old, ready to question the stance of an older woman and younger boys ability to be together in today’s times, graphed out the character sketch time and again. Karan is Sahil. He will question you, make you think, will make you believe. Thank you team #AapkeAaJaneSe , the production team, the technicians, light-men, make up team, schedulers, casting team, editors, camera team, the direction team, set watchman, floor people, setting guys, and everyone without which the a shoot is incomplete. They are the real heroes. 🌟.. Thank you Bodhi Tree @mautiktolia 😊 To my family at home, and of not ‘fans’, but friends, for the belief in me ♥️ This is for you guys too. Thank you @zeetv , for the trust. ZRA last night ♠️ Wearing - @the_angrish Styled by - @ziaa_rrish #Pranav 😘 Helping me set all this up was @jessicairani 👌🏼
Part 3 - The usual ego towards yourself always keeps away the ridiculous thoughts at bay. You want to tell yourself you’re alright, and don’t want to accept that you are not. The hypocrites we are. But there’s always a trigger, I don’t know where mine lay. I haven’t slept well in over 7 years, have lost important people due to lack in temperament, developed insecurity, caused emotional damage to myself and the ones I loved. It’s been a bloody roller coaster. Perhaps I’m accustomed to this pattern, but I definitely don’t intend to live with it for the rest of my life. So I voice this out. Understand your sensations, before they drown you. I love grey, there’s no harm in that. I display shades of Colour, there’s no harm in that. But what’s harmful is not embracing and understanding PRECISELY as to what is happening. That’s crucial. The fight is on. Maybe the battle will never end, but hey, even when on ground if I lay, the eyes will never shut, the heart will beat louder because I TRY. That’s enough. Come out and speak your heart out if you’re one of them? I did. Not to put forth a ‘story’ but to enable awareness and understanding of you to Your sensations and surroundings. I love you if you’re feeling broken and believe somebody else has taken over. Remember I am here to talk to. I request you to never leave their side. You are beautiful in your imperfections. Never be ashamed of your mental state of being. Come out and embrace it, for it’s honestly honestly not easy to go on living this way. So much fucking respect to everyone sensing so much, and yet having the will to fight, but breathe, be easy, take help, and you’ll be just alright. I love you. Thank you for hearing me out ♥️ I’m always here to push you, listen 🙏🏻
Part 2 - and you believe you have all control, but that’s the biggest lie. It’s ridiculously terrifying. Perhaps you’ve felt that way, perhaps you’ve not. Some come out of it, some don’t. But, embrace it. Point it out to the world, somebody could relate and eventually find help. Don’t ever, ever feel ashamed of who you are. I still win everyday. I come face the world everyday. The fact that you GET UP, get out of your bed and TRY, trust me even TRY to achieve or attempt a task is MASSIVELY OVERWHELMING. I’m sure it’s tough for you on days and you wonder whether others feel this way. Yes. They do :) I give my heart to everything I do. I fill, I empty. I laugh alone, I cry alone. The question you ask yourself is this you? You want to run away, feel ashamed of opening up to the world about’”SHIT how can I tell the world that I am mentally not fine, I’m not sane.. they will judge?”.. LET THEM JUDGE. The real ones will stay by you forever. You may have hurt the real ones unknowingly: but a part of them will know that you never ‘intended’ doing bad, and you will know that too, that you putting somebody else in discomfort is definitely NOT YOU. So now, what do you do when you know that something else has taken over and controlling you? You fight. Of course you fight. We all do. We are all survivors. Your day begins with the fight, you possibly getting up and looking forward to nothing and yet pushing yourself is what makes you beautiful. Today I open up, because I want you to as well. We are human beings, we feel, we sense. We emote. I have caused damage to myself, alongside the people I was associated with too, and I know this isn’t me, and I am helpless and clueless, but I fight. Because I’m winning. With the ones who Love you, you may not want them around because you’re more or less liking this darkness, but it’s a request out there, don’t leave them alone. It’s a dungeon with no sound, and sometimes there’s so much peace there, that even peace has started to make noise. It’s chaotic ironically. I kept the thought of being ‘Depressed’ at bay.. because I couldn’t ‘possibly’ accept that I could ever be this person, in suffering?..
Part 1 - It’s about what do you look forward to.. It’s about finding that light in a cave enclosed.. It’s about courage, it’s about the soul wanting to un-choke.. It’s about being shameless in your outlook towards yourself.. It’s about mental health.. It’s about awareness.. It’s about looking after yourself.. It’s about you, your life, your emotions, your tomorrow, so that you and the ones who love you can feel good about your existence. Finally after so many years, after fighting it everyday, pushing my limits, switching multiple professions, finding the strength to face a camera, silently going to corners and breaking down, screaming into them pillows for not being able to sleep soundly for so many years, getting very angry, hurting people, losing compassion towards myself, and the eventual dislike within for yourself, preference of darkness over colour.. it’s not that I didn’t figure it out, but I was solely trying to win everyday. I did win. But. It’s important to embrace and understand what is happening around you. Mental health degradation, synonymously Depression. That noisy silent killer. Yes. The battle doesn’t end. It’s not about you verses an aspect of you, it’s about sensation. It’s about knowing parts of you. The trigger. The release. The breath. And mind you it does reach a point of madness, is when you need to get off the train that the world has taken, sit down, take some air, introspect, medically or not get a helping touch. That madness is here. A person will never know what is happening to another within, because we are so occupied in this rigmarole of life, that it’s insignificant to take out time and maybe understand the other. Mind you the depressed usually don’t like opening up. They like their space. They love nobody around. Closed rooms. Windows shut. Want to smell and live in the same air. That one off rare party days where they unleash their colour and unknowingly go back to their room of low key lights and uncontrolled thoughts. This is spookier than the horror movies. This is very real. It’s a very uneasy tingling just above your heart, that chest region, all the up to your brain, that nerve does tremble..
I don’t like combs
Two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. ~ Robert Frost 💡
Zee Rishtey Awards Nomination Party got me to unwind. My mother got joyous when I told her I’m nominated for a few categories. Awards don’t judge your vibe as a performer, everyone’s a winner in their own accord. I’ve lived my role. Sahil Agarwal is Karan Jotwani. No shit, I be proud of the little recognition. Out of the spectrum just abruptly landed into this field of acting, hardwood and merit have been my allies. Thank you @zeetv , my producers at Bodhi Tree @mautiktolia , @djspersis , @shashank429 , @amannmendiratta .. cast, crew, everyone attached to Aapke Aa Jane Se. Spot to edit to casting to production to cleaners to costume and make up and more. Our little show with a massive message is changing mindsets one day a time. And that’s enough juice for us to know that composing and delivering a show like ours with fine tuned character execution and emotion was not easy. Toast to everyone who’s associated to this field, this dance be to tell you, let yourself loose and celebrate your journey 🙏🏻♥️⭐️ #AapkeAaJaneSe Video credit - @nidhimathurofficial 👌🏼😃
I repeat -> #MondayMotivation
“Keep the child and wilderness alive, oxygen to your soul.” Another year younger. Another year crazy. Madness. Colour. Oozing honesty with work. Soaking in every emotion in thaaat moment. What stays constant is uncertainty, about my next minute, just like how these moments are before Action. I don’t know what I end up doing, more often surprising myself. I don’t want to know my tomorrow. You know what’s rapid change apart from climate change? Future turning into present turning into past. It happens in less than a second. Frightening if you think about it 📌 Soak into your present, elongate it without much ponder over tomorrow, or what happened. Celebrate yourself if you haven’t. Solo. With the world. Life’s short, moments be long. Relish every bit of it. I love you all. Thank you for your wishes ♥️ @aekambinjwe 😘⭐️
Hahah yeah bruh no birthday plans for me 🃏
“No one can hate you more than someone who used to love you.” ~ Rick Riordan 🖤
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