It’s sad to see how much I still want to see myself fail. Self-mutilation is a pattern I thought I had left in the past, but in reality it’s just morphed itself into something more subtle and devious. I densely act like an asshole sometimes just so I can enjoy saying my life sucks. It’s like once I’m happy for the first time in a long time, I really miss the comfort I found in depression; the comfort of at least knowing one thing is for certain: I’m not worth it. I know that’s not the reality, but if you’re used to the dark, the light can hurt in unexpected ways. Right now I’m trying to linger less on the actual obstacles I’m facing, and more about how I react and why. I’m not very good at it yet and sometimes I still angry cry so much that my eyes are swollen and my head hurts, but that’s the fun part about being human: You’re not ready until you are, which coincides with when you need to be. Working on growing out of childish cycles and accepting fate in a more trusting and loving manner. Thank you for your confidence.
Friends can’t always be there for you. I hold a lot of bitterness in my heart when people fail me, but I’m learning that I only do that because I’m afraid of humbling myself and asking for help. I don’t blame anyone for not seeing that I need help either, because living with anxiety and depression breeds a talent of hiding the worst parts of yourself as a survival technique. This week I was able to see my friends reaching out to another friend who was grieving; It was beautiful, visceral, messy, vulgar, tearful, hilarious, and kind of fucked up at different points, but that’s love. Seeing mistakes happen between loved ones at the worst of times and then allowing for those mistakes to be covered in grace by friendship is one of the coolest things I’ll ever experience. I love my friends. The ones who were at the table know who they are. Thank you for your confidence.
Recently there have been a lot of negative forces trying to use me. A lot of these negative energies come from sources that are traditionally designed to be supportive & positive. Having the ones you trust misuse the freedom found in a personal relationship makes me want to second guess love as a whole. This time of my life makes me feel like I am going to split in two & I cannot do anything to stop it. In spite of being spit on by the ones I cannot forget, I have also never experienced such selfless love, care, & empathy from the one who has been there each step. She does not have to be there for me & has freedom to resent & run, but does not. She exemplifies true love & is the best human I have ever met. My prayers are filled with two thoughts: hoping you have/find someone like her & that I can exercise the demons chasing me into relatable & enjoyable art for all of you. Thank you for your confidence.
more honest with my tattoo artist than my pastor.
48 HOURS LATER EP OUT NOW! LINK FOR SPOTIFY IN BIO. AVAILABLE ON OTHER STREAMING SITES🖤
let her speak when she comes.
i dont give a fuck where i end up . i just wanna be loved
It's been a week since youngblank_ and I released our first album. Link to the album in my bio and on any streaming service. The response has been really incredible and nice to hear. I don't make any art for other's approval, but to hear that some people out there really vibe with something you've put a lot of work into is a really surreal experience. We fuck with it. We fuck with you.
We are currently following the vibe and flow of our collective consciousness. This is leading to some new and exciting shit that I didn't even see coming. Still hoping to hit all the other artistic goals for the year. 2018 blank boys burn. Thank you for your confidence.
dead dreams // wasted words OUT NOW ON EVERY PLATFORM YOU CAN THINK OF. Massive thank you to those of you that have already listened, and to the features of Adam (a/g) and Emily (LATE MOSS). Their shit is linked above. Thank you for your confidence.
dead dreams // wasted words VISUAL EXPERIENCE OUT NOW. LINK IN BIO.
dead dreams // wasted words OUT NOW. LINK IN BIO.
soft slurs // I'm the Kobayashi Maru of rap. TONIGHT @ MIDNIGHT.
burn bb // tension on the neck, its just a rain check gone askew and my vision withdrew. march 10.
Sinner // The only cover I need is my free will and my gotdam lumber. march 10.
Canine // I'm collecting my swine with vine and refining my shrine. march 10.
Pluto // I'm not into parachutes, if you catch my drift. march 10.
Dope // Fiend // I pray to God while dreaming, I built this house of demons. march 10.