||| Living on nerves and feelings. ||| snapped by @hopeje
||| go to the audition. apply for the job. show up for the class. ask the question. be willing to fail. go to grow not to win. also win. do good work. ||| #cappuccinoquest2018
||| to all of the roommates, friends, partners, parents, significant others, and random strangers who help actors with their self-tapes: thank you ||| we appreciate you more than you’ll ever know ||| 📣by @masonbeggs
||| 🎥 by @joeysbarrophotography
||| bangs ✂️by @whathehelen
||| Cappuccinos. Cheaper than therapy. ||| But,also, still invest in therapy. Especially when you think you don’t need it. ||| #CappuccinoQuest2018
||| On her IG story @meiratz
asked: “What does your grief look like today?” and I am so grateful that she asked that question to of all of us because that inventory is so important and doesn’t get asked enough. So, I wanted to take a moment to do the inventory and put some of it down.
Today, my grief looks like shame. It’s shame for catching myself feeling embarrassed about talking about Phil the other night to two of my
amazing friends. It’s shame for feeling like a broken record when I say his name out loud and share our stories.
It’s shame for that punch in the gut feeling, questioning if I’ve wasted most of my 20’s in a state of bereavement and in having done that, I’ve thrown my “youth” away.
Shame for witnessing how this grief affects my inability and failure to participate in intimate relationships.
Today, my grief is raging. Not necessarily over the loss. But, over the residue.
Rage is housed in my heart, witnessing residuals of our story co-opted into something else.
This grief today is raging. And its smeared with a lot of shame. Some of it may be truth. Some of it may be parts stories I’ve made up in my head.
But, right now:
Is scraping love off the walls of my heart
Into a mold to try to build another
Lots of this shame comes from societal constraints, pressures and stigma that exists around grief and loss... but right now but I’m too damn tired to unpack that.
And I know that I shouldn’t feel shame, but I do.
It’s all right. I’m all right.
So, thank you to Mei for putting that question out into the world today.
That inventory was incredibly important. ||| And, whoever you are that made it to the bottom of this post, if you need to take a moment to take inventory on whatever emotions or experiences you’re moving within, whatever they may be, I hope that you do. ||| #PhilAndOaksMemoryMap
||| “Angel” ||| Final “Mefistofele” ||| @metopera
|||Covered 3 roles this opera. Have now gone on for all three.||| Doing Gods work. |||
||| The past two summers, in association with the Wyoming Cowboy Hall Of Fame and @genesiusstudios
, thousands of miles have been logged, over 100 cowboys(and lady cowboys) have been captured on camera, and over 50 liters of nitro brew from the @landerbakeshop
were consumed to fuel us across the prairie and through the mountains of Wyoming.
Initially, the Wyoming Cowboy Hall of Fame brought myself and Jesse Judy on as producers to interview and document each of their inductees for the WCHF historical archives in order to preserve, promote, perpetuate, publish and document Wyoming’s rich working cowboy and ranching history through researching, profiling and honoring individuals who broke the first trails and introduced that culture to this state.
Each of these inductees had to have spent a minimum of 45 years working in the saddle so we ended up interviewing both women and men inductees between the ages of 65 and 96. Sometimes we were out on their ranches and sometimes they were able to come meet us at a central location. (Wyoming is a BIG state)
Jesse has done a beautiful job at editing together some of these interviews into this trailer for a future potential feature documentary, detailing the lives of the true Wyoming Cowboy.
Coming on board has meant that I have been able to return to one home and bring parts of my other home with me. Logging thousands of interview hours with cowboys( and lady cowboys) from all over the state has been a profound lesson in deep listening; listening and questioning, even when(especially when) the bubble/echo chamber that so many of us live is burst.
Returning home to Wyoming to document and capture this aspect of American Western history that is changing faster than we realize with each passing year is one of the most humbling undertakings imaginable. One of the many goals we had in taking this endeavor on was to document a way of life that is an iconic part of our nations history.
All in all, we found and have hopefully been able to convey some extremely human commonalities that are of global consequence. ||| I don’t often say I’m proud of things. I am proud of this. ||| link to full trailer in bio ||| #TheTwainMeets
||| Some places are home. But, mostly it’s the people. ||| snapped and ©️by Sue Anawalt |||
||| Had the conversation from one actress to another yesterday about the fear of working one on one with men in the entertainment industry(though I’m sure this specific experience transcends industries and can be translated to relate to different experiences). It doesn’t matter if they are married, what their sexual preference is, how long you have know them, how much of a “good guy”, “feminist”, “ally” or *insert buzzword here*, they claim to be. No matter what, in the pit of the stomach there remains a weight that inhibits the ability to be completely and entirely be vulnerable and uninhibited in the work. No matter how slight or what the awareness level is for either party, this weight is so damn draining and manifests in conscious/subconscious fight or flight response.||| This bit of writing isn’t anything other than an outlet to express a small part of that experience. ||| And to say to all womxn: keep up whatever you’re working towards. Keep it up and if you see yourself in a leadership position in whatever part of the world you move within, go for it. Please. EVERYONE will be better for it. And that doesn’t mean that you have to compromise a darn thing. Never compromise. Go for it. Never settle. |||
||| She’s a lady. ||| a “Lady of the Night” ||| “Mefistofele” ||| @metopera